Our emotions can guide us
Published in Connecting with our emotions. · 24 October 2024
Welcome. In this series of Emotional connection I am looking at the ways we connect with our emotions giving us information on our needs and feelings. In contrast I also look at the ways we have learnt to avoid our emotions. Ways which may have become habitual and out of our awareness.
If you want to know more about emotions I found 'Atlas of the Heart' by Brene Brown useful. She takes you through 87 emotions which defines what it is to be human.
A challenge, I certainly can't detect 87 emotions but I found it useful thinking through the different emotions and I was amazed how many I could relate to.
https://brenebrown.com/book/atlas-of-the-heart/
Brene outlines 6 Main emotions as sad, mad, scared, peaceful, powerful and joyful which certainly gives us a good start, but only if we take notice of them.
We feel our emotions through body sensations, posture, body language, facial expressions and tensions. So much information to help us in our lives, if we stop, listen and process that information.
In this blog I wanted to share with you the theory I find most valuable in gaining awareness of my own emotions and in my therapy work.
The Gestalt Cycle of awareness, developed from Fritz Perls’ work in the 1940s; relates not only to emotions, but relationships and also how we engage with life in general.
The cycle describes stages that we use to connect and act on our emotions.
It also explains what can interrupt that stage, preventing us from using our emotions as a valuable resource.
I have outlined these stages with some examples and included 'TRY IT OUT' which may help.
Stage 1 - SENSATION
We experience sensations as a result of situations, feelings, needs and wants. This may include;
*Body sensations: E.g. Heart rate, clammy hands, bubble sensations, tensions, aching, emptiness etc.
*Body posture: E.g. sluggish, protective, curled up, fists tight.
*Facial expressions: E.g. jaw clenched, teeth grinding, eyes squeezed.
OR we can habitually become DESENSITIZED
We no longer notice; we have managed to cut ourselves off from our sensations.
We live disconnected from our body and focus totally on our thoughts.
'TRY IT OUT' Take a few minutes each day, to focus on your body sensations. First on your breathing, then like a scanner going up from our feet and notice each part of your body, notice your posture and any tensions.
Stage 2 - RECOGNITION
We allow our attention to focus on what is going on in our body and give ourselves the time and space to be curious about what is happening and what we are feeling.
OR we habitually learn ways to DEFLECT, we just don't go there.
This is like batting off any suspected emotions in ways that become our defences.
You may be aware of some of these examples;
*We laugh it off.
*We dismiss it saying, "that's life I just have to get on with it".
*We use work or jobs as a distraction.
*We get drunk or use substances to drown out any emotional sensations.
'TRY IT OUT' Be a watcher of yourself. Notice what you do to avoid your emotions.
Stage 3 - MOBILISING
We allow our emotions to inform us of our true feelings about a situation or relationship.
Giving time and energy to this can help us make healthier decisions that meet our needs.
OR our inner voice takes over, messages from our past we call INTROJECTS,
These messages can be so ingrained that they stop us trusting our own feelings.
You may recognise these;
*You are feeling strong and capable yet the message embedded says you are weak.
*You feel hurt and betrayed yet the message you hold says you are unlovable.
*You feel anger at the way you are treated and the message you hold says it's your fault.
So, you don't act on your feelings and you dismiss them.
NOTE: See also my blogs on shame, the energy of shame can counter any other emotions.
NOTE: Feelings of anger can be strong, frightening and overwhelming. They are also affected by our experience of anger, so look out for my specific blog on anger coming soon.
'TRY IT OUT' List the messages that you tell yourself. Then go back and see if you recognise where they came from, challenge it and see if they stand true today.
Stage 4 - ACTION
By giving ourselves time to stop and consider our emotions we can calmly decide how we want to act on them.
By owning our emotions, we can use them to guide us to getting our needs and wants met.
*This may mean no action at all.
*It may mean we use the information to guard ourselves from the words and actions of others.
*It may help us see the situation differently.
By stopping, considering and owning our emotions means we are more likely to be able to explain how we are feeling and what we need without getting overwhelmed.
OR we disown our emotions and PROJECT them onto others.
We take our feelings out on others, particularly our anger.
We tell others to do what we should be doing.
We blame others for our situation instead of owning it ourself.
'TRY IT OUT' Consider the times when you react in ways you don't mean to. Or you find yourself blaming others unfairly. Be curious about it, could it be that you are projecting your emotions onto others instead of owning them yourself?
Stage 5 - CONNECTION.
Allowing ourself to really feel our emotions can be liberating. It is like allowing waves of the sea as they wash over us, some are stronger than others.
NOTE: If you have strong emotions which you fear will overwhelm you, then find a distraction and reach out for help, either a professional or trusted friend.
OR we push your emotions down and turn them onto ourself. This is called RETROFLECTION.
Your emotional energy is used on attacking yourself.
You blame yourself instead of the person or situation which caused the emotion.
'TRY IT OUT' Take time to consider your self-talk. Are you caring and compassionate to yourself, or critical and condemning?
Stage 6 - SATISFACTION.
It's satisfying when we start to identify our emotions, to consider what we are feeling and what we need and act on this. It helps us gain the strength to care for ourselves and make decisions which feel right going forward.
Be aware! This sense of satisfaction can be robbed when we focus on our own failings. If you are a perfectionist, you will always tell yourself you could do better or your shame could tell you that you are not good enough.
Stage 7 - WITHDRAWAL
Once we have given space for our emotions, identified feelings and needs and then done the appropriate action we can let it go. Move on.
Be aware! Sometimes we just can't let it go. The feelings become part of us. Some reasons could be;
*We are tied to the situation, feeling trapped by it.
*We feel our needs have not been met, or justice has not been done.
*We don't feel heard or seen. Our feelings have not been validated.
IF so I urge you to seek professional help, or talk to a close reliable friend. Emotions can run deep and we need the help of others to work them through.
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